Destiny a little , Fate not so much

Somebody once asked me if I believe in fate or destiny. It’s a simple question, but the older I get the more I realize the answer isn’t simple at all. I do believe there is such a thing as destiny, but I don’t believe life is prewritten like a script where nothing we do matters. If that were true, effort wouldn’t mean anything, and I know from experience that effort changes outcomes.

I’ve lived long enough to see how choices shape a life. I didn’t end up where I am by accident. I struggled in school with dyslexia before people even talked about it. Nothing came easy in the classroom, and no one would have predicted where I would end up. But I worked, I learned, and I kept pushing forward. Eventually I built a career in big box retail management where I influenced thousands of employees and helped shape a lot of careers. Later I retired from corporate America at 48 years old and followed a dream of owning my own antique business, even though it meant earning a lot less money than I was making before. None of that happened because fate pushed me along. It happened because I made decisions and stuck with them.

At the same time, I can’t deny that certain doors opened at just the right moments. Opportunities appeared that I could not have planned. People came into my life who helped shape my direction. Timing played a role that was bigger than anything I could control. Looking back, it’s hard not to feel that something larger was guiding the overall path.

That’s why I see destiny differently than most people talk about it. I don’t believe destiny means everything is predetermined. I believe destiny provides the opportunities, but free will determines what we do with them. The door can be right in front of you, but you still have to decide whether to walk through it.

Some people believe in pure luck. Others believe everything is controlled by fate. My experience tells me the truth sits somewhere in between. Hard work and discipline matter. Being thrifty matters. Taking responsibility matters. Those things shape the direction of your life in very real ways. But there are also moments that feel bigger than coincidence, moments where timing lines up so perfectly that it feels like part of a larger plan.

When I look at my life — my marriage of more than fifty years, my three daughters, and now my grandchildren — it’s hard to believe all of that is just random chance. The same goes for the setbacks I survived. The difficult times taught lessons I needed later on. At the time they felt like obstacles, but in hindsight they look more like preparation.

I’ve come to believe that destiny sets the stage, but it doesn’t write the play. We still have to act. We still have to choose. Two people can be given the same opportunity and end up in completely different places because one acts and the other hesitates.

If you sit back and wait for fate to carry you along, you’ll probably be disappointed. Life doesn’t work that way. But if you believe everything depends only on you, that isn’t quite right either. There are forces bigger than us, and sometimes the best thing we can do is recognize the opportunity when it comes along.

The way I see it now, destiny opens doors, but free will decides whether we walk through them. And if there is a greater plan behind it all, it seems to reward the people who are willing to take responsibility for their own lives.