Rethinking the Frustrations of Buying and Selling Homes

Buying or selling a home is one of the most important financial decisions most people make. Yet, for many, it is also one of the most frustrating. The real estate system, as it has evolved over decades, can place both buyers and sellers in situations where outcomes hinge less on their own judgment and more on the experience, communication, and judgment of the agents involved.

When a house goes on the market, many buyers’ first instinct is to contact the listing agent—the person whose job it is to market and sell the property. Others employ a separate buyer’s agent to handle communications and negotiations. On the surface, this system seems fair: both sides are represented, and each agent is trained to protect their client’s interests. In practice, however, the financial incentives built into the system sometimes influence behavior in subtle ways. Both agents are compensated when the sale closes, which can shift priorities from maximizing a client’s financial outcome to simply ensuring the transaction completes.

Take, for example, a situation I’ve seen repeatedly. A buyer falls in love with a house priced slightly above market value. Their agent may hesitate to push too aggressively during negotiations—not because of negligence, but because an extremely low offer could risk alienating the seller or causing the deal to collapse. At the same time, the listing agent might not fully disclose competing offers or the seller’s urgency, either because of legal constraints or standard market practice. Both sides are acting within the system, but the buyer and seller may never fully see all the levers at play.

Sellers face their own set of frustrations. Listing agents work to attract qualified buyers, often using staging, marketing campaigns, and strategic pricing. Yet sellers rarely see the nuances of the day-to-day interactions: which potential buyers were serious, which offers were negotiable, or which repair requests could have been leveraged to improve the final sale. Sellers often depend on their agent’s judgment, hoping they are optimizing outcomes.

Another point often overlooked is the role of the listing agent during showings. Outside of open houses, many listing agents are not even present during a prospective buyer’s first walk-through. I’m not suggesting they follow buyers around the house every step of the way, but time spent actively showcasing the home can make a big difference. A listing agent walking through with a buyer, pointing out what makes the home unique—special features, quality finishes, or subtle upgrades—can transform a standard showing into a compelling experience. Instead of simply opening doors and letting buyers wander, agents have the opportunity to actively sell the home.

Buyer’s agents, despite their title, sometimes function more as guides than as negotiators. Many are experts in market trends, pricing, and coordinating inspections or financing—but they may not have the technical expertise to identify every structural issue or fully appraise every hidden attribute of a home. Their role is to facilitate the purchase safely, efficiently, and legally, while negotiating as strongly as possible within the context of the transaction. In some cases, this means balancing assertiveness with the need to avoid derailing a deal, a subtlety that is often invisible to clients.

I’ve observed this personally. Friends who recently bought homes have told me they were surprised by how much negotiation was possible—how minor repairs, upgrades, or timing adjustments could have shifted the deal further in their favor. Others realized after closing that additional offers existed or that market conditions were more favorable than they had been led to believe. These are not indications of malfeasance, but of a system that can leave clients feeling uncertain despite competent representation.

The reality is that real estate agents are trained professionals. They navigate complex regulations, paperwork, inspections, appraisals, and negotiations. They protect clients from legal missteps and costly mistakes that inexperienced buyers or sellers might make. Yet the system itself—designed to close transactions efficiently—sometimes produces outcomes that feel suboptimal or opaque.

Perhaps it’s time to rethink certain aspects of the system. Buyers could benefit from agents whose incentives are more explicitly tied to achieving the best financial outcome rather than simply completing the transaction. Sellers might appreciate more transparent reporting on how negotiations progressed, including insight into competing offers or market leverage points. Technology can help: real-time offer tracking, detailed market analytics, and AI-assisted tools can supplement agent expertise and provide buyers and sellers with more clarity and control.

Buying or selling a home should not feel like a gamble. It’s a life-changing decision, and yet the system often leaves clients dependent on the judgment of others. By addressing incentives, improving transparency, and leveraging technology alongside professional guidance, we can move closer to a process that truly serves the people it is meant to help.