The Difference Between Real Advice and Words That Hold You Back

Through the years, I’ve learned that not all advice is given with good intentions. A lot of what people call “advice” is really a form of control. You’ve heard it a hundred times—“Be careful,” “That’s too risky,” “Don’t get your hopes up.” Those words sound friendly on the surface, but underneath they often come from insecurity, not wisdom.

In my early years, I used to take that kind of talk seriously. I thought people were looking out for me. But over time, I realized many weren’t trying to protect me—they were trying to contain me. They wanted me to stay at their level, to play it safe, to keep from outpacing them. I can’t tell you how many times someone told me to slow down or not “make waves,” and years later, I ended up being their boss. It became clear that their advice wasn’t about my success—it was about their comfort.

Advice, when used the wrong way, can be a subtle tool of control. It’s a way for people to project their own fears or failures onto you while sounding supportive. It gives them the illusion of authority without ever risking anything themselves. I’ve seen it in workplaces, friendships, and even families. The words are polite, but the message underneath is simple: don’t change too much, because your change makes me uncomfortable.

But every once in a while, you meet a real mentor—the kind of person who gives advice that comes from genuine concern and earned experience. They’re not afraid of your ambition; they’re invested in it. They’ll share the mistakes they made so you don’t repeat them, and they’ll push you to go after opportunities you might hesitate to take. They don’t warn you to stop—they help you move forward with more clarity and purpose.

Those are the voices worth listening to. They don’t want control over your path; they want to see you walk it stronger than they did. Real mentors open doors. They challenge you to prepare better, think smarter, and act bolder. They’re not intimidated by your growth—they’re proud of it.

So I’ve learned to pause whenever someone gives me advice and ask myself one simple question: Is this coming from fear, or from faith in me? Because that’s the real difference. Some people give advice to keep you from rising. Others give it to help you fly straighter. Knowing which one you’re hearing can change everything.

When you find someone who gives you honest, constructive guidance without ego or control—someone who genuinely wants to see you succeed—hold onto that relationship. They’re rare. Most people will tell you to “be careful.” The real ones will tell you, “You’ve got this—just be smart about it.”

And that difference, I’ve found, is where success begins.