Learning to Respond Instead of Reacting

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

One of the most powerful skills any of us can develop is the ability to pause before reacting when confronted with something upsetting. Whether it’s a thoughtless remark, an outrageous opinion, or an unfair action, the truth is simple: we don’t always control what happens around us, but we do control how we respond.

The Psychology Behind Reactions

From a clinical perspective, what often happens when we feel provoked is an automatic stress response. The brain perceives a threat—even if it’s just words—and triggers the amygdala, the part of the brain involved in emotional reactions. This is commonly called the “fight, flight, or freeze” response. When the amygdala hijacks our rational thinking, we can lash out, shut down, or stew in anger.

Psychologists call this emotional reactivity. Research in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) shows that unchecked reactivity not only worsens conflict but also prolongs stress, raising cortisol levels and creating a feedback loop that makes us even more sensitive to future triggers.

A Real-Life Example

Just yesterday, I faced a situation where I was cheated out of $750. The business involved knew what they were doing, but because of the specific circumstances (which I won’t get into here), there was nothing at all I could do to change the facts. That loss was gone the moment it happened.

At that moment, how I responded was critical. I could have let anger consume me, played the situation over and over in my mind, and allowed it to ruin my day. Instead, I chose to do nothing and let it go. That decision didn’t mean I accepted wrongdoing—it meant I refused to let the wrongdoing control my peace of mind.

The Role of Cognitive Reappraisal

One of the most studied strategies in psychology is cognitive reappraisal—reframing how you interpret an event before reacting. For example, instead of focusing on the injustice, you can shift perspective: “This money is gone, but I won’t give the situation power over my happiness.”

Studies show that people who consistently practice reappraisal experience lower levels of depression and greater emotional resilience. In my own case, I reminded myself: the $750 was already out of my hands, but my emotional health was still mine to protect.

Yesterday, my space was about five seconds long—but it was enough. In that pause, I chose not to react negatively, not to call and yell, not to obsess. I chose freedom.

Not Letting It Bother You

Sometimes the healthiest response is no response at all. Clinical research on mindfulness demonstrates that non-reactivity—acknowledging a feeling without judgment and letting it pass—is associated with reduced anxiety and improved overall well-being.

By refusing to feed the anger over the $750 loss, I actually walked away lighter. The facts didn’t change, but my peace remained intact.

Practical Steps

1. Pause before responding. Even a five-second breath can prevent an emotional hijack.
2. Label the feeling. Neuroscience shows that naming emotions (“I feel angry” or “I feel hurt”) decreases their intensity.
3. Reframe the trigger. Ask yourself: “Is this worth my peace?”
4. Choose your response. Sometimes that means calmly addressing it, and sometimes it means letting it go entirely.

Closing Thought

The real power isn’t in controlling other people—it’s in mastering ourselves. When we decide not to let a situation, person, or problem dictate our emotions, we shift from being reactive to being resilient. Yesterday reminded me of that truth: I couldn’t control being cheated, but I could control whether it robbed me of my peace. That’s not weakness; that’s strength.