Pain

I need a break from pain.

And I don’t mean the kind of pain where you say, “Eh, I slept funny.” I mean the kind that’s been following me around since high school like an old enemy that never moved out of town.

My back has been an issue for me since high school, so long that it almost feels like it has its own personality. Some mornings I get out of bed and I’m stiff as a two-by-four. Other days it’s the dull ache that just sits there in the background, like a low hum you can’t shut off. And once in a while, it reminds me who’s boss and makes me move like I’m 90 instead of 69.

Then there’s the neuropathy in my feet from it… which is a whole different kind of fun.

If you’ve never had it, it’s hard to explain. It’s not like a pulled muscle. It’s weird. Tingling. Numbness. Strange sensations that come and go whenever they feel like it. It’s the kind of thing you can’t point to and say, “See? Right there.” But you sure as hell feel it.

And what makes it worse is that it’s invisible. People look at you and assume you’re fine. And most of the time I am fine. But underneath the surface there’s always something barking at you, reminding you that you’ve got some mileage on the odometer.

So yes… I need a break.

Not a vacation. Not a weekend away. Not a spa day.

I’d like to take a break from waking up and immediately doing a mental scan of my body like a pilot checking the dashboard.

Back… check.
Feet… check.
Hands… check.
Stiffness level… check.
Pain scale… check.

It gets old.

The ironic part is, I am in very good shape otherwise, I still push through it. I still stay active. I still walk. I still keep moving because I know if I stop moving, everything gets worse. And I’ve learned over the years that sitting around feeling sorry for yourself doesn’t fix a thing.

But man… I’d love a short trial period where my body just worked like it used to.

Even 30 days.

No stiffness. No nerve pain. No tight back. No waking up and feeling like I wrestled a bear in my sleep.

Just one month of feeling normal again.

I’d take that break in a heartbeat.