The Best Way to Build Self-Confidence

If you asked me the best way to build self-confidence, my answer is simple: overcome problems.

Confidence doesn’t come from reading a book, listening to a motivational speaker, or staring in the mirror telling yourself how great you are. Real confidence comes from life throwing something at you, dealing with it, and coming out the other side.

Lately, I joke that I’m playing a daily game of Whack-A-Mole. For the last year, it seems like every day or two something pops up that needs attention. A family disagreement. A car problem. An appliance that suddenly decides it’s done working. A surprise bill. A money issue. Just when you knock one problem down, another one sticks its head up.

The funny thing is that most of these situations feel like a crisis when they first happen. Your mind immediately goes to the worst-case scenario. The car won’t start? It’s probably going to cost thousands. The dryer quits? There goes another chunk of money. A family conflict? You start wondering if the relationship will ever be the same.

But I’ve learned something over the years. Most problems aren’t nearly as bad as they seem at 9 o’clock at night.

Many times, the best thing I can do is sleep on it.

The next morning I wake up, have my coffee, look at the situation again, and suddenly it doesn’t seem impossible anymore. The broken appliance turns out to be a simple repair or a replacement I can afford. The money issue has a solution I didn’t see the day before. The family conflict cools down after everyone has time to think. The car problem ends up being far less serious than I imagined.

Every time I get through one of these situations, my confidence grows a little more.

Not because life gets easier. It doesn’t.

It’s because I keep proving to myself that I can handle whatever comes next.

When I look back on my life, the things that built my confidence weren’t the easy years. They were the hard years. The years when I had to figure things out. The years when money was tight. The years when business was struggling. The years when family issues had no easy answers. The years when something broke and there was nobody else to fix it but me.

That’s where confidence comes from.

You stop saying, “I hope nothing goes wrong.”

And you start saying, “Something probably will go wrong eventually, but I’ll deal with it.”

That’s a powerful feeling.

And if I’m being completely honest, there’s one more reason I stay confident. Deep down inside, I believe God walks with me every day. I don’t believe He gives me challenges I can’t handle. The problems may not always be easy, and sometimes the lesson isn’t obvious at first, but looking back over my life, I’ve found that somehow things almost always work out. That faith gives me strength when a new problem pops up and reminds me that I’m never facing it alone.

At 68 years old, I still don’t have all the answers. I still get frustrated. I still have days where I wonder what problem is going to pop up next. But experience has taught me that most problems are temporary, most crises aren’t really crises, and tomorrow usually looks a lot better than today.

So if you’re looking for self-confidence, don’t run from challenges. Face them. Solve them. Learn from them.

Because every mole you knock down in life’s Whack-A-Mole game reminds you of something important:

You’ve handled a lot worse before, and you’ll handle this too.